From an Inner Pause to the Fullness of Being

Even as a child, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I saw Jesus.

Later, between the ages of 8 and 12, I heard someone calling my name. The voice was so familiar and close. It happened more than once, and every time I hurried to my mother, convinced it was her. I would search for her to ask why she had called me.

Some time later, when I was 20, I again heard my name being called. It was the same voice — deeply familiar. This time, it seemed to come from the height of the tall poplar trees that surrounded the courtyard where we lived at the time.

In 1986, we moved to Latvia. My sister and I lived together in a new place. Along with church activities, youth gatherings, various ministries, and even night prayers, we also loved praying at home. Together, we practiced waking up at 3 a.m. specifically to pray.

During such prayers, we experienced something so special that it captivated us, and we longed to do it again and again.

Soon after, my sister got married, and I began living with a friend. I loved to pray and always sought solitude.

I called my prayer places “tabernacles.” I had many of them — in the city, in parks, in the forest. Each was my special place of meeting with God.

One day, after I was married, I noticed that I began devoting less time and attention to prayer. I remember pleading with the Lord, almost making an agreement with Him:

"Please, if ever I should lose You, find me! Don’t allow me to drift so far from You that I lose sight of You. I cannot live without You!"

In that prayer, I felt His nearness so strongly. Peace filled my heart, and I knew that if for any reason I ever lost Him, He would find me; He would never leave me outside of Himself. This was in the distant 1990s.

Around 2017, living in California, deeply immersed in my beloved family and our local church, I began to hear an inner call. He was calling me into relationship, though I didn’t recognize it at the time. I had completely forgotten about the closeness I had with Him in my youth.

I started wondering what I should do… Our family was active in church life, my husband and eldest son served in ministry, and we didn’t miss a single service.

Yet He kept calling me.

Inside, I sensed a hint — a prayer room. I thought there must be some prayer room I should go to in order to draw closer to the One calling me. I had always loved to pray and knew the power of prayer, so I visited many prayer meetings in the city.

But this time, I knew I needed to find a prayer room — a specific one — and began searching online.

I found several Hindu and Muslim prayer rooms, but they were not what I was drawn to. Disappointed that I couldn’t find the right one, I paused my search.

Two more years passed.

The inner call and pull toward God would not let me go. I knew I needed something more than just hearing about Him.

One day in 2019, I told myself, I must deal with this. Again, I searched online for a prayer room, still without knowing where or what kind it should be. I found nothing except a Korean prayer mountain near Santa Cruz. I wasn’t sure if that was the place I needed to go (though I did visit later). Feeling frustrated, I lay on my bed thinking…

I remember it so clearly — if I couldn’t find it, then I must truly want it! I have a rule: as long as a person is alive, if they truly desire something, they will receive it. It all depends on how deeply they want it.

I lay there, testing myself, weighing how serious and deep my desire was. And then… something happened. I could never have guessed that within a minute I would have the answer to my search.

The phone rang. It was my niece, calling to say that we couldn’t meet the next day as planned because her friend — who was supposed to join us — was going to a prayer room.

I burst out laughing — I couldn’t hold it in. I wasn’t sure whether I was laughing or crying at such an unexpected turn after my long search. My niece asked what had happened…

With great joy, I told her everything!

That was my backstory…

Since then, everything has changed. He called me, and I ran after Him! He kept His word, and at that moment, I didn’t even recall asking Him for it years ago.

I believe He longs — with all His love — to have a personal, unique, and breathtaking relationship with every person He created in His image and likeness! We were made for Him — for a whole and complete life in Him and with Him!

Now these days and years are the happiest, filled with meaning and the fullness of God bodily! I don’t know how I ever lived without Him (though I never thought of it that way before).

My days and nights are painted with colors. I found myself in the hands of the Artist with a Paradise Palette of every shade and hue!

I have witnessed the dawn rising in my life — growing brighter and brighter until the full day.

Since then, I began recording every experience, dream, or revelation. There were many. I realized a person can never truly carry more than they receive. So, I valued and recorded everything I was given. I lived in it, returned to it, and received new things again. It became a kind of living source — His source — that sometimes overflows into a mighty river teeming with life!

The most precious thing in all experiences, revelations, messages, and dreams is Him — my Beloved! His caresses are better than wine. Any anointing we experience at the best services or conferences — as valuable as they are — cannot compare to Him Himself!

He is the incomparable experience of love and relationship!

Much has happened over the years and is happening even now — my story continues because I live here and now!

Life on earth is a gift, and I treasure this priceless gift!

For many of the things we encounter and overcome here on earth unlock hidden treasures within us — treasures that could never be revealed even in the perfection of Heaven!

And that is one more reason why I love the earth! 😇